Where is the Fire

Today a friend of mine called me up and told me she was thinking of calling it quits on her marriage of three years. I was not surprised by the deep feelings of loss, since I have spent most of my life believing divorce is inexcusable except in extreme cases. We are just supposed to accept marriages end. As friends we are expected to stand by and watch a person tear apart their life they have made a vow to live.  The vow was not made just to the person at the altar with them but the ones witnessing the event.  Approximately a year ago my husband’s friends from high school called it quits after 35yrs of marriage and almost 4 years of dating during high school. It was extremely unsettling to their friends who have known them since high school.  Do you not feel odd ambiguous sense of loss or do you get lost in the who is right or wrong blame game?

What starts it all
In most weddings there is the vows contain the words “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer,  in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, and to Honor, till death us do part.”  It easy to say when all you see is the stars in the other person’s eyes and your heart does that funny pitter patter thing and you breath catches in your throat.  Forever just does not quite seem like it is long enough. “Who really care about money we don’t need it” Do we really know what it means to do our part?

False Expectations
Often people believe a good marriage is filled with fireworks all the time, or this deep feeling of love.  That is not true as Dave Meurer, says in “Daze of Our Wives” A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. Thinking a marriage will just fall in place and all the hard work is done when you got your partner to agree to marriage.  Believing there is some magic glue to hold a relationship together gives the partners a false sense of security.

What to Do
Remember Marriage is hard work so with keeping that in mind be willing to work at the maintenance of your marriage.   To do that here is some points for thought love is not a feeling, but an action sex is just about 10 percent of what makes up married life but is essential to communication Open communication Most arguments are resolved when both people are more concerned with being in the relationship instead of being right Remember you won your mate heart with care (dates, flowers, conversations of hopes and dreams) so continue those actions.

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages
Rekindled: How to Keep the Warmth in Marriage
The Love Dare

Authors Note
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